Repeat.

 Well, it seems another one has bit the dust. Bonnie got caught talking shit about the bosses and when I said something suddenly, I'm now the bad guy. It will be interesting to see if her lack of available communication has to do with what they told her to do or more to do with she got caught red handed. Either way I'm backing all the way off to save my emotional wellbeing. I'm not going to be caught into this narrative of I'm mad no i'm not oh i'm mad again. I don't play that, and I don't deserve it. I have permanent fixtures in my life that if I never made another friend again, I'd have them, and it would be okay. I hate to say it but I don't need new friends. I have so much happened in my life that I can't constantly be swirled up in drama like this. I don't have space for it. I'm not letting myself get too emotional about this. I mean christ, people walk out of my life like they walk out of the door. The fundamental problem is me and my incessant need to fix broken people. It stems back to childhood where I was broken and had no one so by god I've made it a mission to never let that happen to anyone else. The problem with that is that broken people genuinely don't want to be fixed and when things get uncomfortable, they turn on you for every little thing. Now I'm not saying I am a victim here but it's common behavior that has repeated in my life for several years. i can see the signs. Imagine if I poured all the energy and grace, I give unworthy people to me and my mom. My life would be so much simpler. Just imagine. 

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